put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
