During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
