i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
