you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
