You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
