He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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