I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
