it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
