on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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