How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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