Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
