does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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