Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
