so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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