the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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