listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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