I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
