those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
