I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the condom got lost in my hair
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So vagazzling was a success
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