Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
