yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
