some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
