You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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