It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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