half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
