I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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