Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
