you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
