Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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