just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
