ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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