shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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