What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
