the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
