At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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