No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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