The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
