On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
