It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
