dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
