Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
