Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize