My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
