I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
