I wannas sexs uuuuu
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
