i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Sext me about skeletons
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
