i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
