We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
