Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
