i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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