just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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