Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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