he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
