The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
