No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
