Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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