Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
