I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
