FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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