Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
