I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
