Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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