I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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