I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
