i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
