planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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