Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
