I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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