she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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