I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
