i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
