we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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