I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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