i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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