I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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